G'Day fellow tuxers……. Its your interim host here once again…….. Its a raining Saturday here right now…….…… Hope you all had a good week……. Mine was rather quiet…… The damn rain kept going……. I was able to take Natasha out for a few walks….. She is still quite nervous outside walking……..

I watched a bunch of movies ive never seen before……. In preparation for some games I plan to play soon…… The Godfather…… The Godfather Part II……. And Scarface……. So that was about nine hours of my free time taken up this week…….


[+..••] As for gaming this week in Emulationville I played [+..••]

Arcade

Top Ranking Stars (1993 Taito) - Sports (Boxing)


Console

Gran Turismo 4 (2004 Sony) - Sony PlayStation 2 - Sports (Racing)
Jackass: The Game (2007 Red Mile) - Sony PlayStation 2 - Action
NASCAR: Dirt to Daytona (2002 Infogrames) - Sony PlayStation 2 - Sports (Racing)


PC

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (2004 Rockstar) - Steam - Action
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002 Rockstar) - Steam - Action
NASCAR Heat 5 (2020 Motorsport Games) - Steam - Sports (Racing)
Warhammer 40,000: Boltgun (2023 Focus Entertainment) - Steam - First Person Shooter


The Dick Trickles Racing Career: Part 17
NASCAR Dirt to Daytona: Part 17
Weekly Dirt Racing Series Season 2: Race 6

Intro music…... Hello and welcome to Left Turn Heaven..... Im Murray Eastlake and today im going to be bringing you all the action from the 2003 Weekly Dirt Racing Series: Round 6 of 10 here at Eagan Speedbowl.......

Eagan Speedbowl is 0.500 miles long with 12 degrees of banking….. This super fast and very wide track is the Talladega of the dirt….. Flat out the whole way around you need a car with a lot of horsepower to pull a good laptime here….. And with the track being so wide there is not a lot that can be done defensively to keep cars behind…..

Last week Dick Trickle dazzled the spectators as he did not put a wheel wrong the entire day…….. As he won by two laps over Alan Andersen…….. Dicks closest rival Ted Finger was third…… While defending champion Josh Ginter was way off the pace last week….. Only managing to get seventh…….


Whoooooaaaaaaaaa…… We’re half way there……..

We are now officially halfway through the season……. Dick has a strangle hold on the championship…… Winning every race so far……. Ted Finger has finished in the top five every single race this season…… But is still 151 points behind Dick……. Its time Ted really pulled his Finger out if he wants to challenge Dick for the championship……

Dont touch the sets...... Dont touch the dials...... You wont want to miss a single moment of the 2003 Weekly Dirt Racing Series action....… Practice and qualifying are coming up right now…...



Eagan Speedbowl…...



Dick Trickle at the track ready to race.…

Practice was the usual story for Dick….. Get in the car run some laps and adjust the gear ratio……. Go back out and repeat……. After winning five races this season….. Why change it???

Qualifying rolled around and Dick Trickle set the fastest time with a time of 21.676 to be .3 of a second clear of second place Josh Ginter who has again found some qualifying form…..

Ted Finger was third….. Almost a full second behind the fast flying Dick…… With Matthew Kato just getting inside the top ten posting the ninth quickest time…...


Qualifying Results........

The 5 lap Heat 1 race started with Dick Trickle powering off to take the clear lead into turn one…….. From Ted Finger who was slow to start……..

Soon the slow starting Ted Finger fell into the clutches of Matthew Kato who had worked his way to third and was soon past Ted to claim second……

Dick Trickle never saw any of this and he was way off in the distance and he took the chequered flag by 3.2 seconds over Matthew Kato with Ted Finger rounding out the top three…..


Heat 1 Results....…



Dick Trickle lined up ready to start the A Main......

As the green flag dropped for the 50 lap A Main Final……. Josh Ginter got the jump and had his nose in front heading into turn one…….. But Dick was not going to take this lying down as he used his rigid body to slide past Josh through turns one and two……. To be the clear leader exiting turn two…….

Josh Ginter had no answers as he fell through the field……. He found a good qualifying trim for the car but the race trim is now suffering….. As he could only manage to finish ninth in the race……. And be five laps behind the winner…….

This left Matthew Kato and Ted Finger to fight it out for second and third…… Both men battled hard…… But in the end…… Ted Finger came up a bit short…….

Some one who did not come up short was Dick Trickle…… As he was able to take another win by a margin of one lap over Matthew Kato……. With another faultless drive in the Inforgrames Flaming Dick Machine…… As again there was no damage to the car……

Alan Anderson continued his good from as of late…… Getting another top five with a fourth place finish…… two laps behind Dick……

Erik Truet rounded out the top five…… But he was not a factor as all this weekend……. He was so far down the time sheets all weekend that I forgot he was even here……… Truet was also two laps behind the winner….

I grabbed Dick after the race in the winners circle……. “The Infogrames Flaming Dick Machine is so perfect at the moment…… I have a real shot of going undefeated this season……. Has that ever happened before Murray????……. Anyway…… This is great news for the championship…….. With Matthew [Kato] getting second……. Pushing Ted [Finger] down to third extends to points gap to around 180 points……. And with a maximum 110 points for a win…… Im getting closer and closer to have a two race points buffer over that pesky Finger who keeps getting top five finishes every week……”

“I dont know what happened to Ginter…… I know I lapped him a bunch of times and he looked to be well off the pace…….”

“This track is so wide open….. Its like throwing a hot dog down a hallway…… There is tons of room to get passed the lapped traffic without any contact…… I made the most of saving cash by doing just that…… As next week we are at the very small and tight Hastings Motorsports Park…… That might be bad for the ol wallet…… But we shall see what happens……. This cheap Dick doesnt like spending money that he doesnt have too…….”

Dick Trickle then went out to celebrate his sixth win of the season as he extends his championship lead to 179 points…..

Next week the 2002 Weekly Dirt Racing Series heads to Hastings Motorsports Park…… As Dick just said its a very small tight track….. Expect a ton of action there……….

Will Dick Trickle continue to dominate???…… Can Ted Finger finally find the winners circle???….. Can Josh Ginter sort out his consistency issues???……. Can anyone stop the Infogrames Flaming Dick Machine???…...

Tune in next week for the answers to all these questions and more….. Exclusively here on Left Turn Heaven……..

This is Murray Eastlake reporting for Left Turn Heaven..... And until next time its goodbye from me....


A Main Results..…



Winnings.…



NASCAR Heat Weekly.…



2003 Weekly Dirt Racing Series Championship Standings after round 6 of 10.…







First lap A Main action....


Jackass: The Game

Well I said there would be something different……… And it doesnt get much more different than this…… What a mistake this was…….

Well lets start the obvious…….. Jackass: The Game is based on Jackass: The MTV Show….. And just like the poorly thought out show…… The game is just as poorly thought out……

It is essentially a collection of mini games sewn together with a story so thin it could fall through a crack in the floor…...

The sotryline is simple….. Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries…… Jackass needs a new director…… Since the previous one “Broke the camera and sprained his vagina”……. And its up to you…… The player…….. To direct episodes of Jackass……. And perhaps you can solve the mystery of what does the director do at Jackass and do they even need one at all???……

Each episode consists of several mini games that are comprised of Jackass stunts……. And to pass the mini games you have to reach certain goals……. And the main goal of the episode is to make X amount of dollarydoos before you can move into the the next episode……..

Complete the mini game in X amount of time….. Cause X amount of property damage……. Injure the character so much that the hospital bill is X amount…….. Hit certain targets…….. You know…… Its pretty simple stuff…….

And repeat that until you want to kill yourself…… The Jackass way……. There really is nothing to this “game”…… If you thought Yetisports was shallow….. Wait until you see this…….

The graphics are ok at best…… Its on the PlayStation 2……. But really it could pass as a Saturn game…… Some characters look good others are not even close……. Its a very mixed bag….. And the environments are all as bland as my ex’s cooking…..

Controls are wonky…… I think a three legged dog has more control than this game…… And it does not help that nearly every mini game has a different control scheme…… One mini game the controls are slippery the other mini game they are stiff…… There is just zero consistency…...

Sounds are ok I guess……. All characters sound like they use their real voices……. The music is…… Well that will depend on you tastes….. Lots of 90’s edgy music…… Which I dont like…… The Jackass theme song is here and sounds really good…… Sound effects are a bit lacklustre and just blend into the background……. Nothing about them really pops…...

This game had a budget tighter than a nuns nasty…….. And it shows……. If it had a big budget than I have no idea what they spent the money on…….. This is just a super quick licenced cash in shovelware game……

Overall this “game” is terrible…… It has zero redeeming qualities……. Well besides using the real voices……. I honestly cant think of any reason to play this again….. Government agencies should be using Jackass: The Game as a form of torture…… It would work way better than water boarding…….

I give this game the official rating of CC……. No not the CC’s chips here in Australia……… CC is for C.Rap Clowns…….

Even if you were dropped on your head as a baby and somehow like the Jackass TV show……. There is no reason to play this………


Next week…… If this rain stops I might actually get some work done in the garden….. And some work around the house needs doing…… Hoping to continue to get Natasha out for walks as well…..

As for gaming there will be more hardcore Dick Trickle racing action in NASCAR: Dirt to Daytona……. Killing more heretic scum in Warhammer 40K Boltgun…….. And I will continue my stupid quest of making a setup for every car at every track in NASCAR Heat 5……

Current setup checklist…...
Cup: 28 of 30
Xfinity: 28 of 30
Truck: 29 of 31
Dirt: 9 of 9

Well thats it from me…… Hope all you tuxers have a good week……

Now for my bad joke of the week……
The wise man poops on company time........ The foolish man waits until his break.......
*ba dum.... tssssh…...*

Last edited by StoneColdSpider on 3 June 2023 at 4:57 am UTC