G'Day fellow tuxers……. Its your interim host here once again…….. Its a overcast Saturday here right now…….…… This week was rather productive……..

Mowed the lawns and tidied up around the house…… Sold some old golf stuff ill never use……. Went for a lot of walks with the bag of fleas…… And Pengling forced me to play a terrible video game………. Besides that nothing exciting happened……. Which is good…… Means nothing broke…...

[+..••] As for gaming this week in Emulationville I played [+..••]

Arcade

NHL Open Ice: 2 on 2 Challenge (1995 Midway) - Sports (Hockey)


Console

Paris-Dakar Rally Special (1988 Sony) - Nintendo Entertainment System - Sports (Racing)
NASCAR: Dirt to Daytona (2002 Infogrames) - Sony PlayStation 2 - Sports (Racing)
NBA Jam Tournament Edition (1995 Acclaim) - Sega Mega Drive - Sports (Basketball)
NFL Blitz (1998 Midway) - Nintendo 64 - Sports (Football)
Street Fighter II Remastered Edition (2020 Pyron) - Sega Mega Drive - Fighting
TOCA 2 Touring Car Championship (1998 Codemasters) - Sony PlayStation - Sports (Racing)
WRC 4: FIA World Rally Championship (2004 Sony) – Sony PlayStation 2 – Sports (Racing)


PC

NASCAR Heat 5 (2020 Motorsport Games) – Steam (Proton) - Sports (Racing)
WRC 10 FIA World Rally Championship (2021 Nacon) – Steam (Proton) - Sports (Racing)


The Dick Trickles Racing Career: Part 26
NASCAR Dirt to Daytona: Part 26
Featherlite Modified Series Season 1: Race 4

Intro music…... Hello and welcome to Left Turn Heaven..... Im Murray Eastlake and today im going to be bringing you all the action from the 2004 Featherlite Modified Series: Round 4 of 11 here at Mankato Raceway……..



Mankato Raceway…….


Mankato Raceway is 0.633 miles long with 14 degrees of banking…….. With long high banked turns And relatively short straights this track demands a good handling car……. Power is not as important here……. As getting through the corners is what really minimises your lap time………..

Yesterday Dick Trickle was at Anoka City Speedway racing in the Weekly Racing Dirt Series and picked up another impressive win……. He will once again be looking to bring that form here for the modified race today……..


2004 Weekly Dirt Racing Series: Round 4 of 10…...


I got wind of a rumour that Dick Trickle used his winnings from yesterdays dirt race and has some new parts on the Klipsch Modified Flaming Dick Machine……. So ive come here to the paddock area and have a look at the car myself…… And yes I can see that there is a shiny new suspension kit on the car…… They look pretty trick…… Lets have a word with Dick…….

“Yes Murray your eyes are correct…… I used the winnings from the Dirt race last night to buy a whole new suspension kit for the car…….. Might take a little while to dial it in…… But I shouldnt have the problems like I did last week with the tyre wear…… Thats what im looking for the most…… I spent the entire morning putting them on….. After driving all night from Anoka to Mankato….. Im hoping this is the ticket to get my first race win…..”



Suspension Upgrade…...

Well there you have it folks…… Will this new suspension be the trick Dick needs to get his first modified win???…… Can Jason Sulivan continue his top form and keep his run of top fives going???…… Can the defending champion William Anderson get another great result to put his himself back in the title hunt???…… Or can John Bundy bounce back after that really disappointing result last week???……..

Dont touch the sets...... Dont touch the dials...... You wont want to miss a single moment of the 2004 Featherlite Modified Series....… Practice and qualifying are coming up right now…...


Dick Trickle at the track ready to race.…


Dick Trickle spent a lot of time during the practice session dialling in the new suspension kit….. And working out the gear ratios……. Thats very important as to not blow the engine……. As per usual this season Dick used the entire allotted time for practice to get everything the way he likes it…….

Qualifying was up next…… And Dick was out there to set a good time……. And set a good time he did…… A 20.875 to put himself second on the grid…… Less than 0.1 seconds behind champion leader Jason Sulivan who set a 20.774 to claim pole position………

Third was Francis Lee with a 20.985……. Followed by Joel York who set a 21.224…….. And rounding out the top five was current champion William Anderson with a time of 21.370………

That is now three times in a row that Dick Trickle has qualified second…….. Hes been very consistent in qualifying……. Im sure he would love to snag that pole position one day soon…….



Qualifying Results........



Dick Trickle lined up ready to start the race......


Pole sitter Jason Sulivan led the field to the green flag for the 63 lap race…….. Dick Trickle again got a great jump on the outside…… And was in the lead entering turn one……… With Jason Sulivan in second not far behind……. And Francis Lee was also in hot pursuit……..

Joel York and William Anderson were having a great battle for fourth……. As they were swapping positions at both ends of the track during the first few laps…….

Up front Dick Trickle was just holding onto the lead……. He had the pace through the turns now with that great new suspension kit…… But his lack of horsepower down the straight was keeping Jason Sulivan in touch…….. While Francis Lee was dropping off the back of both of them as the race went on…….

William Anderson and Joel York continued to have a great battle for fourth……. Neither of them were going to give it up as they closed in the lapped traffic for the first time…….

Dick Trickle was not using the lapped traffic as well this race…… As he was struggling to get past them…….. Jason Sulivan took that opportunity to fire the car up the side of Dicks Klipsch Modified Flaming Dick Machine…. And secure the lead of the race…….

Joel York made a similar move on William Anderson to finally get passed him and put a gap on Anderson…..

Meanwhile Francis Lee was in no mans land……. No fast enough to hang with Dick and Sulivan but to fast for York…….

Up front and Dick was still hanging around the rear of Jason Sulivan…….. And was forcing Sulivan to go very defensive at times…….

At the half way point Dick was only 0.2 seconds behind Jason Sulivan……. And Francis Lee was starting to fall into the clutches of Joel York…….. As Lee was starting to lose time……

William Anderson was starting to catch the pair of them as well……. And it looks like a three way fight for third place might be on the cards……..

But no one seems to be able to catch Jason Sulivan and Dick……. The pair of them even though fighting tooth and nail for the lead were still gaping the other three behind…..

William Anderson gets caught up behind a gaggle of slower cars and that ends his run to catch Lee and York…… While York had caught Lee and was hounding the back of him……. Looking for a way past…….

Back to the leading pair and with 10 laps to go Dick managed to use the lapped traffic to perfection and get passed Jason Sulivan for the lead…… Sulivan though was not giving up and was still right up Dicks rear……..

Joel York meanwhile had hit a lapped car and sustained some damage……. He was now slowing dropping off the back of Francis Lee…… Who was now in a solid third position……..

William Anderson was now the one in no mans land……. Holding down a solid fifth place……. But with no one around him it looked like that was the best he could do…….

With 5 laps to go not much had changed…… Sulivan was still looking for a way past Dick…… But Dick was not giving it up…… Running that white line like Charlie Sheen…….

With 3 laps to go now and Jason Sulivan is looking very frustrated behind Dick…… Hes looks outside…… He looks inside…….. And finally he decides hes had enough and its time to make a move happen…….

Jason Sulivan dives down to the inside of the Dick entering turning three…….. Sulivan has three wheels below the white line at this point……… This unsettles the car and loses grip from the weight transfer……. And Jason Sulivan runs up the track into the rear quarter of the Klipsch Modified Flaming Dick Machine…….

Dick does everything he can to hold onto the car…….. As Sulivan is pushing the rear of the car up towards the outside wall……. Finally the force from Sulivan on the Kilpsch Modified Flaming Dick Machine is greater than the grip in the tyres and Dick spins around on the exit of turn four…….. And slides down onto apron…….

Amazingly Dick was able to keep the car off the the inside wall but hes now facing the wrong way…….. As Dick tries to turn the car around without running onto the track and causing a massive pile up…….. Francis Lee drives past…….. And then Joel York……..

Just as Dick gets the car pointing in the right direction…….. Jason Sulivan comes passed to lap Dick……. And then not far behind him goes William Anderson……… Who drove past to take fourth………

Dick smoked the tyres up in anger as he took off after Anderson…….. But with just one lap to go there was nothing he could do………

The chequered flag waved for Jason Sulivan as he took the win……. 17.6 seconds ahead of second place Francis Lee……. 1.5 seconds later Joel York took third…….

William Anderson might have been 1 lap behind the leader but he was in fourth place…….. Rounding out the top five was Dick also 1 lap behind Sulivan…… Dick had again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory…….



Race Results..…


After the race Dick was just about as fired up as his paint job………. As he was heard yelling obscenities at Jason Sulivan…….. Pussy Galore was grabbing Dick trying to clam him down……. She sure has her work cut for her tonight…….. Hes a real fired up Dick……..

Still steaming under the collar I managed to get a word with Dick in the paddock area as he was STILL yelling obscenities at Jason Sulivan as he was being presented with the winners trophy…… I do hope the censor guy has his finger on the button…… I think we might need it……

“What has to happen for something to change around here Murray……… You have Jason Sulivan out there driving like a complete *BEEP*……… Not to mention that almost happened to me in round one with Luis Rivas…….. And then that *BEEP* gets in the way in round two and costs me a *BEEP*ing win……….”

“When are these *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*ing *BEEP*s going to learn how to drive or how about *BEEP*ing NASCAR sanctions these *BEEP*ing *BEEP*s………. And if NASCAR is going to let us play hard……. Then this *BEEP*ing Dicks gonna play hard…….. And they *BEEP*ing well wont like it……. They will learn one way or another to stop screwing with this *BEEP*ing Dick…….”

“And as for that *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*ing *BEEP* [Jason] Sulivan up there…… With that stupid smile on his face as he holds what should be MY trophy……. If thats the way he wants to drive……. Fine……. Just remember…… Paybacks a *BEEP*…….”

Well there you have it folks……. I do apologise for the language used……. But you cant get the true raw emotion of how these drivers are feeling if you dont get in there quick for the interview……..

Next week the 2004 Featherlite Modified Series heads to ELK River Raceway…..

Can Dick Trickle get revenge or will he be screwed again???……. Can Jason Sulivan continue his winning ways????…….. William Anderson has been running well in the last few races can he continue that form???…….. Joel York have been knocking on the door of a win…… Can he finally get that monkey off his back????……. Or can another young gun take the glory for himself????…... The sparks are sure to fly next week……..

Tune in next week for the answers to all these questions and more….. Exclusively here on Left Turn Heaven……..

This is Murray Eastlake reporting for Left Turn Heaven..... And until next time its goodbye from me....


Winnings.…



NASCAR Heat Weekly.…



2004 Modified Series Championship Standings after round 4 of 11.…







First lap Modified Dick action....


Paris-Dakar Rally Special



I've been through the desert on a horse with no name…..

This Japanese only Famicom game was a game that Pengling recommended to me…….. I think she hates me…….. She even found the English translation patch for the game…… She REALLY does hate me……...

The Paris-Dakar Rally Special has……. Zero……… Zip…….. Zilch……. Nil…… Nothing……. Nada……. To do with the actual Paris-Dakar Rally…….

The graphics are ok for a NES game…….. Nothing special but nothing bad either……. Maybe on the bland side of things…….. But yeah……. Its a NES game……. What else would you expect????

The sounds are…….. Well…… If you like the same crap song on Infinite loop then this is the game for you…….. I played this on Sunday……. And that “music” is still seared into my brain…… The other sounds arnt much better…… Its very plain sound wise……. The music might change at each stage but it doesnt help any……...

The Controls……… Are bloody dreadful……. They are SUPER stiff……. The jumping controls are awful……. Oh yes…… There are platforming sections in this racing game….. Oh dont worry ill get it in the gameplay section…….. There is again a slight delay between jumps……. Which when it comes the multiple jump section makes wish you were playing Russian Roulette instead……...

The maze chase sections u need to be pixel perfect or the car wont turn the corner……. Its infuriating……. And the shmup sections…… oh yes…… They are awful too………

The storyline….. There is no storyline…….. So again I get to make one up……. Shredder is going to use the magic of sand to take over the world…….. But before acting on his plan…. Shredder has decided to kidnap April O’Neil and taken her to the largest desert on earth…….. And its up to the Nina Turtles who travelled to Japan while disguising themselves as Dakar Rally drivers and have entered the Paris-Dakar race to save her…….. Being complete unknowns they struggle to get sponsorship and a car and a co-driver……. But they must do it in order to save April O’Neil……..

The gameplay……. Well this game……. WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PARIS-DAKAR……… Might as well be eight different mini games in one…….. And have a completely different name……. So Pegnling wouldnt have recommended this to me…...

Before you can start racing the game dumps you into the commercial area of town and you need to go from building to building trying to get a sponsor and buy a car and get a co-driver and all that boring crap………

But even THATS not simple……… You finally find a sponsor and you go to the bank and are told you have the card but not the pin…….. So you need to hunt down the manager to get the pin……… And it becomes a maze chase game as you chase three guys…….. One is the manager…… The other two are time wasting decoys……… Once you catch the manager……. You get the pin and you can finally get the sponsorship money………..

I dunno if its a cultural difference…….. But no way would a business give you a bank card……. Then make you hunt down the manager to get the pin for the bank card and then allow you to go to the bank and withdraw all the money on the card……….. Just give a cheque next time guys…….

Finally…… Its race time…….. And oh boy…….. If you thought the other section was shit wait till you hear about this pile of crap……… Unlike my other reviews im going to go through the entire game…… Buckle up…… Its gonna be a long one…….

First stage is a top down racing section…….. But dont touch ANYTHING or you crash……. Crash three times and its game over……. And you have to restart the stage……….. And its not easy…… The stage is long and tedious……… There are obstacles everywhere……… Other cars……. Bollards……… Someone throwing barrels onto the track……… And other cars coming flying up really fast from off screen on a mission to hit you………. There is a time limit and a gas limit as well just to piss you off even more...…….

Stage two is a maze chase game………. Drive through a crap maze while trying in vein to not crash…… Same crash rules apply…… The gimmick here is that you can drop an oil slick to stop other cars from hitting you…….. And if they touch it three times it becomes a gas token……. Either way its crap……. Can you make it through stage two with all your hair intact????……..

Stage three is a side scrolling driving section…….. With barriers in the way that require you to get out of the car and perform platforming sections to hit a switch that will either produce a bridge or lower a wall…….. Theres an a Donkey Kong inspired section that has you jump over obstacles while climbing ladders…….. Just makes you wish you were playing Donkey Kong instead which is a much better game…….

Stage four is a side scrolling shoot ‘em up section…….. Your mighty Dakar vehicle turns into a submarine as you enter the ocean…….. In the desert…….. And you need to shoot killer prawns…… And man eating sharks…….. And anime tentacles attached to OctoPussy Galores…….. While also avoiding torpedoes and theres also a Pengling in a helicopter dropping bombs on you………..

Stage five is a top down desert driving section…….. But be careful……. Your mighty Dakar vehicle can be destroyed by a single ant……. Scorpion……. Rock……. Snake……. I would think a Dakar grade racing machine would be able to withstand them with ease……. Maybe the Infogrames Flaming Dick Machine would be better suited to the desert???……… There is also a river crossing section in the middle of a desert and its crap……. Trying to move from one moving raft to another moving raft with these god awful controls is like trying to perform a vasectomy while wearing boxing gloves…….

Stage six is a top down shoot ‘em up section……. The Taliban attack……. Avoid tanks…… Helicopters…… Fighter Jets and more…….. No im not making this up…….. The game really has you drive through an active war zone on stage six……… Pengling actually really does hate me and she hoped I would die in the active combat zone…….

Stage seven…… The final stage…….. Is a top down driving section…… As you traverse the tight narrow paths that lead the finish line……. Avoid cars and rocks and rivers and cliff faces……… Can you make it to the end with all your sanity????…….

Complete the seven stages of hell……. I mean seven stages of Dakar……… and win the “Dakar”…… Get a crap cutscene that was not worth the hassle of getting……. And turn this crap off…….

This game is complete rubbish…….. Its has NOTHING to do with the Paris-Dakar Rally…….. It has more in common with Spy Hunter than with the Paris-Dakar Rally……

I rate this game a Sand in the Pussy Galore out of 10…….

For the terrible gameplay……. Craptacular controls…….. Terrible sounds and complete false advertising of a name…….. I hereby give Paris-Daker Rally Special the official rating of CC……. No not Australian CC Chips……. CC stands for C.Rap Clowns….. The worst rating a game can get here on Gaming on Linux……..

*Strokes puppy* And as for you Pengling for making me play this pile of crap…… Ill get my revenge……. It might take awhile……. But I will get revenge on you Pengling…… Even if its the last thing I ever do……… *Strokes puppy*











Dick Trickle wins the Paris-Dakar Rally Special……..


Next week……. I dunno….. I really dont….. There is very little going on around here and it looks like the rain might be back…… There is nothing left to do around here for awhile besides walk the bag of fleas and annoy the locals……..

As for gaming there will be more hardcore modified Dick Trickle racing action in NASCAR: Dirt to Daytona……. Getting down and dirty in WRC 10…….. And I will play yet another obscure Japanese only racing game……..

Well thats it from me…… Hope all you tuxers have a good week……

Now for my bad joke of the week……
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training???
*ba dum.... tssssh…...*